Deliberate Creation doesn’t come from looking back, although sometimes it can bring clarity.
Looking back is sometimes necessary Creator, just don’t make it a habit.
Creator, do you ever second guess yourself when it comes to a past decision? Looking back is not behavior that I usually engage in, but lately, I’ve been taking myself down that old, rutted road of self-flagellation and it feels terrible. And here’s the crazy thing, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that when I made that decision, I was firmly in Alignment, otherwise I wouldn’t have pulled the trigger. In other words, I’ve been beating myself up for a battle I have already won. Crazy right?
So then the question becomes, why oh why was I digging up old detritus that was dead and buried? Well it’s what we humans sometimes do when we are feeling unsure about our NOW; we go digging around in our past for answers. And because I was feeling wobbly in my NOW, because things weren’t going perfectly, because I wanted to feel better and couldn’t find my true north, rather than do what I could do NOW to rectify my misalignment (nap, meditate, journal, etc), I decided to stage an archeological expedition into my past life. Howard Carter would have been proud, except unlike him, I didn’t find a tomb of wonders, I just Monday-Morning-Quarterbacked myself into feelings of negativity and shame.
And then yesterday happened! A day when I came face to face with the result of the life decision that I was questioning and I got a hit of, “Wow!!! Did I ever do the right thing! What the fuck have I been thinking?” haha!
The moral of the story - sometimes we need to go deep into something to find an answer that is both emotionally and mentally satisfying. Sometimes a backward glance is necessary to shore up our NOW. Sometimes a step back gives us the nudge we need to go ever forward.
One of the things that I have discovered is that my life’s journey resembles a snail trail: crazy spirals, loops and switchbacks winding to nowhere and somewhere, all at the same time. In other words, life isn’t linear, it’s multi-dimensional and fraught with big winds and weather ready to blow us off course. Although, what I do know is, it’s easy to course correct to our setting of True North when we come into alignment with the broader part of ourselves and realize that all is well. And what’s behind us is, well, behind us. And the fun, the creativity, the new all lies in front- beckoning us to keep on trucking ever forward to the next choice, the next decision, the next fork in the road.
Are all of our decisions going to be spot on? Hell no. But that shouldn’t stop us from taking risks and seeing where they lead. At least we can all take comfort in the fact that we aren’t alone and that no one human has got it all figured out. It’s a step by step, day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year journey of self-discovery and hopefully a bit of wisdom sprinkled in.
So on this bright and sunny day, I wish you the best that life has to offer. I wish you clarity and fun. I wish you alignment with the broader part of you and your purpose. And that's all for my 3 wishes, see you on Mt. Olympus Creator…
